{Thursday, September 26, 2002}
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Regarding Tom Daschle speaking out to Bush yesterday... DASCHLE FINDS BALLS ON SENATE FLOOR Had Lost Them in Senate Cloakroom Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle found his balls on the Senate floor yesterday, just moments before launching into a stem-winding attack on President Bush’s alleged politicizing of national security issues, Senate sources said. “What are you doing down there?” Senator Daschle said after seeing his balls on the floor of the Senate well. “I’ve been looking all over for you!” Yesterday’s recovery of Senator Daschle’s balls brought down the curtain on one of the Senate’s longest-running mysteries: what happened to the Democrats’ balls? The answer to that riddle, as unbelievable as it may seem, is also surprisingly simple: the Democrats’ balls have been in the Senate cloakroom for the last several months, seemingly lost forever. Charles Hepworth, who runs the cloakroom used by all one hundred senators, said that the Democrats had checked their balls in the cloakroom months ago and had forgotten to claim them. Somehow, Mr. Hepworth said, the Democratic balls became lost in a tangled mess of other unclaimed items. “It’s really a disaster area in that cloakroom,” Mr. Hepworth said. “The Republicans lost their economic plan in there months ago and they still can’t find it.” Yesterday, though, was a time of celebration for the Democrats, who were unanimously jubilant to be reunited with their long-lost balls. “I’ve got to tell you, it feels great,” said Sen. Diane Feinstein (D-CA). [via: borowitz report]  |
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